Welcome to the many faces of spam series by Tom, the hater of all things spam.

Today’s spam series revolves around a rather sinister form of spam (not that there are any non-sinister forms), Walking Spam.  Walking spam is the guy selling framed artwork in your office building that feels the need to walk into your office and then proceed to check with EVERY ONE of your employees to see if they happen to be in the market for a Bob Marley or Velvet Elvis framed piece of art.

Then there is John the Job Seeker. John walks in asking where he can find the actual suite he is supposed to be in for his big interview, and then just kind of asks if  we happen to be hiring. John just so happens to have a resume handy and has actually seen a web site before, so clearly he is qualified to build web sites. Job Seeker Spam.

Let’s not forget Click and Clack from the office supply store peddling huge discounts if we buy a pack of pens from them today , but it HAS TO BE TODAY. Right Now, this second, you need to buy the freaking pens or NO DISCOUNT FOR YOU.

How about Clint the Copy guy?  He probably hasn’t sold a copier in about 2 years, but hasn’t really caught on that no one buys a copier anymore, you NEED a copier today, he’s going to make your life easier, he’s going to interrupt your ENTIRE OFFICE FLOW just to try and prove it.

Unsolicited information in any way, shape or form is in essence SPAM. As much as I feel for Art the Art Peddler, Joe The Job Seeker, Click & Click the office supply spam duo and their quest to survive in this economy, interrupting hard working people by barging in to their office thinking that you are going to convince them to drop everything and buy your junk, or hire you, or discover that, hey, yeah, I could really use a new copier today is SPAM.

I hate spam. Spam sucks. Spam sucks down my time, spam annoys and agitates me, my wife has actually suggested some spam anger management therapy which I am open to discussing. (The first step is acknowledging that you have a problem…)  Spam takes on many different faces, you’ve got walking spam, fax spam, email spam, but there is perhaps no more sinister form of spam to me then CAR SPAM.

You’ve seen him: Slick Rick in the grocery market parking lot affixing fliers to cars, this week he’s pitching the new cuban restaurant up the road, last week it was the showgirls at the local strip club.  Slick Rick touches your car.  You didn’t give him permission to touch your car, he just assumed it was ok.  Rick, it’s NOT ok to touch my car. It’ s NOT ok to touch my truck windshield, or handle, or any other part of my truck for that matter. It’s mine (or to be more precise, the bank’s) and I don’t want you touching it.

When it comes to marketing, it is critical to know that if I didn’t ask you for your information, you don’t have my permission to push it on me.  This applies to unsolicited phone calls, junk fliers left on my truck, junk mail in my home mailbox, walking spam such as door to door sales folks trying to sell me a photo copier at work. When I’m ready to buy a copier, I will find you. I will use Google like everyone else in the free world and search for a credible company that will fit my individual / company needs.

Today’s marketing is way different, people know what they want and search for it when they want it.  We can not be bothered by your interruptions or noise.  To market today, you need to be in the right place at the right time and talking to the right audience WHEN they allow you to.

SEO Myth # 12,435

How many times have you seen the following statement: “We submit your web site to over 20,000 search engines and directories”? This is usually followed by “for the low low price of $19.95″.  

If you happen to see this pitch on a so called SEO company’s web site, it’s time to hit the back button on your browser and move on.  

Which search engine do you use? What search engine do you think your customers and / or prospects use? After you’ve answered that question, where do you think your web site should be found?  Getting your company found WHERE your prospects are shopping is the name of the game.  ’Submitting’ your corporate web site to the ‘chessplayerdirectoryofamerica.com’ probably won’t yield many results.

There is so much more to SEO than mashing buttons and submitting web sites.  SEO should start BEFORE you even begin to design that pretty new web site.  Call the Internet Marketing / SEO experts at On Target Web Solutions today: 407-830-4550 or visit our web site for more information on Internet Marketing.

We all wish there was a way to stop spammers, just when I think that our servers have done a great job of catching those pesky viagra messages before they clutter my outlook inbox, the spammers evolve and beat the system.  I don’t think there will ever be a way to stop spammers, but I came up with some vindictive practices that make me feel just a little bit better inside each time I get a new spam message:

* Reply back to the spammer and offer your services, 10,000 times.

* Forward every piece of spam that you have ever received to the spammer, be sure to include a mandatory read receipt for EACH message that you forward.

* Grab the spammers email address and / or domain and submit it to every spam list you can find on the internet. They will love the free newsletter from Jacks Candle Shop.

* If the spammer has given you a phone number to call and order their garbage, fill out every contact form you can providing the phone number and email address, they will love calls from New Dehli India at 3 am requesting a partnership opportunity.

* Call the spammers phone number and ask for Al Coholic, All Day. That joke never gets old.

Official On Target Web Solutions Disclaimer:
We don’t actually recommend any of these practices (some can make the spam situation worse) but sometimes it just feels right to fight fire with fire.

I was speaking with a prospect this afternoon, everything was going along just fine, I was asking questions, he was answering, we were have a grand ole time. UNTIL…. He asked me if I know how to send out 10 million emails monthly soliciting business to an un-targeted email list. Wow. He went on to say he knows someone who can set up the spam cycle on multiple servers with multiple addresses at free email account type places. WOW. I couldn’t believe me ears, here was the best part…. He exclaimed to me “I have quite a background in marketing and this mass emailing, faxing and telemarketing is just a numbers game….” 

I can’t believe I actually heard all of this. My ears are still burning.  Seriously? Send out 10 million emails a month and cross your fingers you get one poor bored oblivious sap to fill out your contact form? AND then, there is the ‘can you close this lead’ dilemma.  

Isn’t the point of marketing reaching out to YOUR prospects? Reaching out and engaging the people who are interested in your products and services? People looking to buy? I assume it’s not bigtalker83@aol.com.  I think his name is John Smith and he wants to here from you because he happens to be shopping for your product. Teach John more about you and your organization and MAYBE John will be compelled to enlist your services.

Minutes after the conversation and my very direct rather blunt explanation of what true marketing is, I received my Seth Godin blog subscription (which I OPTED in for) in my inbox: It speaks the truth and rang a resounding confirmation. Check out Seth’s article here.

One of my biggest pet peeves (yes, there are many…) are broadcast faxers.  Broadcast faxes are stupid.  Plain and simple.  I get solicited for health care (which I don’t think my employees would appreciate if I started picking health care plans based on un-solicited faxes), accounting services, toner ink refills (even though they are WASTING my toner by faxing me), but the fax I received today took the cake and the putz of the week award. 

Here is the title: GET PAID FOR FAXES! By filling out a simple form including my contact name, my business name, address, email address, etc., I can get paid $0.50 per EACH fax that I receive and submit back to the Get Paid For Faxes folks.  As with EVERY get rich quick scheme, there are rules, including, the fax you submit cannot be a stock or investment fax which happens to be 90% of the faxes I get.  It’s all very structured and looks so legit on that faxed sheet of paper.

Here’s my favorite part.  The last line: To submit your faxes for payment, simply write your name and phone number on the received fax and fax it (the fax number listed).  So, wait, without a 1099 or anything, you’re just going to to send me a check for $0.50 if I fax you all of the garbage that was faxed to me? 

Here’s the scam: they get your contact name, they get your email address, they get your business address, etc. and verify your fax number.  The sole purpose… to send you more garbage. Give it up! The worst part of all of this: people must fall for it or they wouldn’t still be doing this right? Scary.

I got a phone call from one of our vendors today, a vendor that we do quite a bit of business with in the domain name registration game… They called to thank me for being such a valuable client to them and to introduce me to their internet marketing products.  I of course informed her that we are an internet marketing firm and we really didn’t need their help with internet marketing products.  She was not understanding me…. She asked then if we ‘sub’ our internet marketing or SEO work out… Nope. All in house, it’s what we do, all day, everyday. 

Here’s the point to the rant: If I am indeed such a valuable client to you, perhaps you should get to know our company a bit better and offer me enchanced domain name registration features, etc. 

Before you go out and try and promote your products or services, isn’t it important to know who that audience is? Are you selling t-shirts to 20 somethings? Are you selling professional consulting services to CFO’s? Take the time to learn your market, who they are, what they look like, what they are interested in and further, what they DON’T like. 

Got a phone call tonight from 806-576-0589 and heard an amateur recording about my Google listing. This company represented itself as ‘Google’ and asked me to hit 1 to verify my Google local business listing.  I of course did a bit of homework as I was on the phone and stumbled upon this brilliant tidbit explaining other people’s experiences with these folks.

Any SEO company that needs to telemarket businesses that are on the Do Not Call Registry, especially to another SEO company shouldn’t be in business!

Wouldn’t you think that an SEO company should be found organically in search engine results? If they can do it for themselves, can’t they do it for you?

I hate spammers as much as the next guy: BUT, from time to time, I must say, I admire their ingenuity. Obviously, spammers need to evolve in order to get their garbage through rapidly changing spam filters, sometimes on a daily basis.  They try mispellings, they try crazy and zany characters, they try everything to get that stock alert in front of me. 

The latest technique that I’ve seen: BOGUS news headings.  Quite clever if you think about, the most recent one I saw, Donald Trump & Rosie Odonnel Dine Together, or another: BBeijing bans firework sales neear Games venues… (Mispellings intentional) Obviously, the more enticing the news topic, the more you are prone to click it and learn more about how viagra or vicoden can help improve your life.

So, keep your eyes peeled for enticing spam news topics, maybe we’ll compile a top ten list shortly.

Got this garbage email today and thought I would share: Note the bold portion below ……

Hi,

I came across your website and was wondering if you would consider a link exchange with me. In return for just one link from you I am willing to place a link to your site on our PR5 site here: http://www.LINKREMOVEDONPURPOSE.com (PR5). I can put your link in the perfect category to match your site. We can manually set your link to make sure it always appears on that page and it will never drop off.

I understand that you probably get 100’s of spam emails everyday asking the same thing, but I am a real person and not a spam bot.

If this is of interest to you simply reply to this email and I will put your link live first. (Please send me your link details along with a short description of your site)

Title: site hosting

URL: http://www.REMOVEDONPURPOSE.net

Description: FREE Online e-commerce website builder trial for 10 days, activate your site for as little as $19.95/month. Free domain name with activation. 100′s of web site templates and loads of features.

Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions.

Kind regards

This email is not spam. We are genuine SEO company seeking a reciprocal link exchange with you. However if you do not want to be contacted by us again please unsubscribe by replying to this email.

Is your website a hit? We can guarantee to get your site in the top 10 positions in Google for your chosen keywords! See our proven results on this page of our website: http://www.LINKREMOVEDONPURPOSE/customers.htm Over 4 pages full of top 10 results for as little as $200/£100 per month!

Be cautious if you receive these… They wanted to give me a link on their adult literacy website in exchange for me linking them on our PR6 site. How would a web design and search engine optimization company benefit from adult literacy links? Still scratching my head on that one. Bottom line: doesn’t work, doesn’t make sense, isn’t like content.

Nothing pleases the ‘evil’ side of me more than fielding a sales call from a ‘search engine marketing firm’ calling a search engine marketing firm to solicit business.  The other day, we got such a call. Normally I don’t take cold sales calls, but whenever I see a search engine marketing company calling our office on the caller ID, I’m drooling to take the call.  This girl Kate calls the other day, announces to our customer care Rep Danielle that she has found some interesting information about our company and she would like to speak to the person who handles the search engine marketing for the firm.  Danielle puts her on hold and intercom’s me to see if I want the call.  Absolutely.  She puts the call through and Kate begins her spiel….

Here’s the synopsis: she happened to be googling a search term which happened to be corporate website design. She expressed to me that she was concerned that we were only number 20 on Google and that she could make us number one RAPIDLY.  I of course asked her how she planned to do that, but she redirected the question and probed about our hosting company (which is us…..) and why our web host was not getting us number one results… Web Hosts have NOTHING to do with search engine marketing or internet marketing.  A web host simply HOSTS.  I asked her for the URL to her site: I click through and sell an amateur poorly designed completely FLASH driven website with duplicate title tags, NO copy visible to search engines, etc.  Basically, an internet marketing company who has no clue about internet marketing.  I proceeded to thank her for her time and hung up.  This company was selling the dream of number one placement, they do this by setting up a Google adwords account and submitting keywords that are probably not entirely relevant to your company and walk away. That in my opinion is NOT number one placement. 

A few fundamentals if you are searching for an internet marketing firm / web design firm: search for them!  If you are in Orlando and seeking an orlando search engine marketing company, google it.  The seo companies that know how to position themselves can obviously get you positioned. If you’re looking for that company, call us today at 407-830-4550. We get you found with no gimmicks, no empty promises, no nonsense and most importantly, NO cold calls.  Visit On Target Web Solutions today.

Was talking to one of my long time customers the other day, checking in and see how he was doing. He was sharing with me how many so called search engine optimization companies solicit him on a daily basis trying to pitch him the dream of online internet success. He loves to ‘play’ with them on the phone and always asks:

Steve: How did you find me?

“Well I googled some of your search terms and found your company.”

Steve then goes on to ask, where was I in the rankings?

Long pause : “Well you were number one…..”

If a search engine optimization company does solicit you via phone (cold call) be sure to ask them the basics:

1.) How long has your company been in business? Look for some stability…
2.) How much do you know about my industry? (this is key: they need to understand your market, or at least take the time to learn it.)
3.) What is / would be your plan of attack?
4.) Will you be utilizing AdWords or a pay per click system? (Some companies promise top ten results then simply open an Adwords account and rely on that to bring you results.)
5.) How long does it usually take to get me results? (If the answer is 24 hours, you’ve got problems….)
6.) Do you adhere to the Search Engine Marketing Code Of Ethics?
7.) WHERE is your company located? (Wouldn’t you rather be able to call them if you need to without spending BIG bucks to call India?)
8.) Do you engage in any black hat SEO techniques? (Spamming, hidden links, cloaking, etc.)
9.) Can you show me some of your other customer’s results? (CALL their customers and ask)
10.) Do you guarantee me top ten organic results? (Trick Question: NO one can guarantee top ten results in the organic search engine listings.

If you are seeking a reliable search engine marketing expert, look no further. Contact On Target Web Solutions today at 407-830-4550 : Ethical, Dependable, Solid.

Well thank you very much!  I’m honored that you have added my web site link to your crappy directory!  I am especially honored that you think that my site content is valuable and that YOU think it would be a great idea for both parties if we exchanged links. 

Sound familiar?  I get about ten of these worthless spam emails a day.  They get specific as well: we have placed your link here >> All you need to do is add a link from your Google Page Rank 6 site to my Google UNDISCOVERED or blacklisted directory and we’re in business.  What a scam.  Many of our search engine marketing clients forward these to me asking me if we should go ahead and exchange links  Absolutely, Positively NOT.  That’s what that delete button is from.  Folks, link exchange can be dangerous, you never know unless you check where this web site is coming from: again, it could be coming from a BAD neighborhood: could be a known spammer, could be banned from Google, and if you link to it, you could be penalized or banned as well.